Isolation Hurts: Inclusivity is the Salve
An Introduction to Brain Science and its Role in Creating Safety
Courtney Suddes, 2023
It is tempting to think of isolation as something easily identifiable and fixable; if you are alone, and do not want to be, reach out to people. If you struggled or are struggling because of quarantine restrictions, you will feel better once they’re lifted. If your childhood was lonely, you have agency as an adult to correct past wrongs. And if you’re feeling excluded at work, make more of an effort to join committees, get to know your colleagues, or participate in social activities, such as networking.
This line of thinking - that isolation is episodic, personal and solvable - is not only incorrect, it also causes harm (and often greater feelings of isolation.) And we now have the brain science to prove it.
Before we get into the science, an addendum: isolation is solvable, and inclusivity is the answer, just not in the way we think.
Our Brains
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind and Body in the Healing of Trauma by Bessel van der Kolk, MD is a seminal work in the growing field of trauma research. As the title suggests, our bodies keep the score of traumatic events that have occurred throughout our lives. Without proper recovery from trauma, those “stores of pain” remain in the body for life.
The amygdala is a small and mighty area of the midbrain that is responsible for signaling the release of adrenaline and initiating the fight-flight-freeze-fawn reaction. The amygdala also acts outside of time. By that I mean, thirty years can pass from an initial trauma and the amygdala will react to a triggering sight/smell/sound as though the trauma is happening now – and it acts fast. Our amygdala can initiate a stress response before we are conscious of incoming danger (real or perceived). Which means a person can find themselves in the throes of a stress response and not be able to identify why. This can be extremely isolating and breed self-consciousness and insecurity in groups.
More science: the brain registers emotional pain caused by social isolation just like physical pain. The underlying neural circuitry and computational processes of physical and social pain overlap. Isolation is painful. When we’re in pain, we are less likely to brainstorm ways we could be “more social” or “part of the group.” Instead, we are focused on the problem of pain.
Then there is the matter of alexithymia: the experience of not having words to identify feelings. There are folks who, due to a multitude of circumstances, including trauma, cannot articulate needs verbally.
What about the reassurance of friends, family, colleagues? Positive, affirming mission statements of inclusion and belonging? Surely this must help people feel cared for and included. Well, the part of our brain that processes reassurance and insights does not communicate directly with the amygdala, the part of the brain affected by trauma 5 . This means that no amount of reassurance makes an impact on a traumatized brain. Simply, words alone do not treat trauma. And social isolation in and of itself can be a painful and traumatizing event.
What’s Not Working
Here is what research shows does not work when it comes to creating inclusive spaces:
● Aphorisms or mission statements alone (“This is a safe space.” “All are welcome here.”)
● Equating inclusivity with socializing or group work
● “Leave your personal life at home” mentality (We are each whole people, unable to truly compartmentalize ourselves.)
● Ignoring trauma research
● Failing to center diversity & equity in the conversation surrounding inclusivity
● Ignorance of the mind-body connection
What Works
None of the above gets it right when it comes to creating meaningful bonds with others and fostering a truly inclusive community. So how do we get there? And isn’t it a bit odd that human beings, biologically social creatures, need to learn inclusivity when it is supposedly in our genetic coding to bond with others?
Many experiences can cause the rupture of bonds between people. As we now know, if thorough healing has not taken place, the body remembers the trauma and works diligently to prevent it from occurring again - e.g., not risking relationships with others, not speaking up out of fear of social isolation, reliving past traumas, etc. Speaking out about a desire for more inclusion can, and often does, present as a major risk leading to further isolation.
The antidote to isolation and recipe for inclusion is simple: connection. Authentic, consistent connection to one another demonstrated not only in words, but in action, is what fosters inclusivity and soothes the pain of isolation. In organizations, this connection must come from leadership. And it must be at the cultural core of a workplace.
Van der Kolk writes, “Being able to feel safe with other people is probably the single most important aspect of mental health; safe connections are fundamental to meaningful and satisfying lives.” Building emotional safety, even at work, even among colleagues and direct reports, is essential to inclusivity.
How is this done? A great starting point is to learn about brain science, which you have begun by reading this article. Seek out folks who consult on this topic. Look up trauma-informed leadership practices. Pick up a copy of van der Kolk’s book. Gabor Maté is another excellent trauma researcher who focuses a lot on the importance of connection. The most important step is to begin.